Help! How do I say no to things at work
It’s the smallest word, but sometimes the hardest to say. For some this comes as easy as anything, for others the struggle is real!
The ability to say "no" at work is deceptively simple yet often challenging. While some effortlessly decline requests, others find themselves overwhelmed by an ever-expanding to-do list. This article delves into the intricacies of saying "no" in a professional context, offering insights into the reasons behind the struggle and practical strategies to handle such situations gracefully
Understanding the Dilemma
Saying "no" at work can be daunting due to various underlying factors. These factors can differ from person to person and workplace to workplace, but understanding them is crucial
Fear of Negative Consequences: Many employees fear that saying "no" could lead to negative consequences such as damaging their reputation, limiting career growth, or facing retaliation. Research shows that employees may avoid saying "no" due to concerns about the impact on their career prospects and job security.
Pressure to Please: We are a nation of ‘people pleasers!”. Research in organisational psychology suggests that employees often feel a strong desire to please their superiors or colleagues. This desire to be seen as cooperative and helpful can make it difficult to decline requests, even when they are overwhelmed or have competing priorities.
Lack of Assertiveness Skills: Some employees may lack assertiveness skills to communicate their boundaries effectively. Research indicates that individuals with lower levels of assertiveness may struggle to say "no" clearly and respectfully.
Perceived Organisational Culture: This is a biggy! The culture of an organisation can significantly impact an employee's willingness to say "no." Research has shown that in cultures where long working hours and overcommitment are the norm, employees may feel pressured to conform and may hesitate to decline tasks or projects.
Conflict Avoidance: Some employees may avoid saying "no" because they want to avoid conflict or confrontation. Research has shown that individuals who prefer harmony in their work relationships may struggle with assertively declining requests.
Job Role Boundaries: There could also be some added confusion about job role boundaries in a company. So, with no clear boundaries in place, it makes it hard to challenge between a reasonable and unreasonable request. The outcome of this is often that individuals take on more than they can handle.
As renowned author Paulo Coelho aptly puts it, "When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself."
Mastering the art of saying "no" involves a combination of developing assertiveness skills, fostering open communication, and nurturing a supportive work environment that prioritises employee well-being and work-life balance. While influencing the broader organisational culture may not be within your control, you can certainly manage your own workload and schedule.
How do I do it?
Firstly, our main point is to not simply say ‘no’. Whilst there are schools of thought which say that “no is a complete sentence”. In some cases, it isn’t helpful and sometimes isn’t polite either – However, there are ways you can politely decline to take on extra tasks.
To help you along the way, here is an acronym for you to try and remember – and we really mean it. You are worthy and you are allowed to say no!
Workload Awareness:
You should always be aware of your own workload and what you have on your plate right now. Let’s face it, you can’t say yes or no without knowing this. Your own timelines and priorities will help you to know if you can fit in a quick task to help someone else, or if you are at key project milestone moments which means you are under too much pressure already
Openness to the request:
If someone takes the time to come to you for help, be open to what they are saying and listen to their request. You can’t really say yes or no until you fully understand what they are asking of you. So listen intently, ask questions and consider before replying
Respectful, polite and positive:
Acknowledge the request with respect and gratitude and even express your appreciation for being asked. Maintain a friendly and positive demeanour when you are answering and don’t forget how much your tone and body language convey answers! It’s not only about your words!
Tell the person why you can’t help:
Offer a brief and honest explanation for why you can’t fulfil the request. Be specific and clear without needing to go into unnecessary detail. For example:
“I would love to help, but currently, I am working on Project X and it has a really tight deadline”
“I appreciate you asking me and for the opportunity, but my diary is already under pressure this week”
“I would love to join you, but I am a little overwhelmed already this week myself”
“That sounds so exciting, but I’ll have to help you another time as I have another priority I have to complete this week”
“I would have loved to help you, but that isn’t something in my skill set”
“I really can’t support that this week as my own team needs me for some extra help”
“I need to focus on my current tasks to meet a project deadline”
“I have a prior commitment during that time”
Also, the “I” statements are important too. You are emphasising that it’s your current situation or availability which is causing you to say no, it’s not a personal rejection of the person making the request.
Help by offering alternatives:
By this, we are not suggesting throwing the task to a colleague of yours as all that is doing is playing pass the parcel with the problem. However, there might be a suitable alternative or compromise, as chances are the person asking has come to you for a reason. This would be a good way to show you are willing to be helpful despite the fact you can’t meet the current request. Perhaps some options such as:
“I can’t assist with that right now, but perhaps I can help you next week when my workload is lighter”
“I am not able to go to that meeting for you, but I know someone else is going, so I can share the meeting notes they send me to you for information”
Your follow-up matters!
If you see your colleague the week after, ask them how they got on with the task. Or, if you offered to help them the next month, check back in to see if they still need you. Being busy doesn’t mean never helping anyone else, it’s just about making sure the time is right for you.
And remember, not everyone who asks you for help is trying to use you, they may genuinely want or need your support. Your follow-up could mean a lot to the person who made the request originally.
What if it is my boss?!
Yes, much harder when it is this way round. Even so, if you already have a workload which is full, the chances are your boss will be even more unhappy if you add to it! You also have a responsibility to let your boss know if deadlines are going to be missed. So, some options for your responses here include:
“Of course, I can help. The deadlines do mean that the project clashes with Client X work timelines, so are you OK if we move those back or is there someone else who can help with that?”
“I really want to help, but I have a full list already. Can we grab 5 minutes together to look through my priorities and identify where there is some wiggle room?”
“I’d love to take that on, but I am a bit rusty in that area as that is not where we have been using my skill set lately, is there a different way I can be involved”
We would like to leave you with why it is so important to say no.
Setting Boundaries: It helps establish and maintain healthy boundaries, preventing you from becoming overwhelmed with excessive workloads or unrealistic expectations
Prioritisation: It allows you to prioritise tasks effectively, ensuring you allocate your time and energy to high-impact projects
Quality Over Quantity: By declining some commitments, you can maintain the quality of your work, avoiding rushed and below-standard results
Avoiding Burnout: Consistently saying "yes" to every request can lead to burnout and stress, which can be detrimental to your well-being
Accountability and Responsibility: Saying "no" when necessary helps you avoid overcommitting and promotes personal accountability and a positive professional reputation
Improving Collaboration: Saying "no" can spark constructive conversations about workload distribution and collaboration, leading to better results and increased productivity
In conclusion, mastering the art of saying "no" at work is essential for your professional well-being and effectiveness. By understanding the reasons behind the hesitation and adopting effective communication strategies, you can maintain a healthy work-life balance and contribute to a more productive workplace. Your ability to say "no" can be a game-changer in achieving both personal and professional success
If you want to try some of these things out, talk them through or this has made you realise you could do with focusing on your assertiveness skills, get in touch! We would love to talk and equip you with some additional tools to help along the way.
